The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize