this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
