They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
