Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
