WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
