Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
