All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
