I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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