she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
