shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
