When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
