The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
