What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize