Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
