I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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