Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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