lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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