I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
