I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
