The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
