Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
