I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
