Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just high enough for therapy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
