it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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