I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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