I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
