....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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