Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
