omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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