Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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