The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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