Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
