Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
