Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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