So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
