After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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