My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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