those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
