..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
