At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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