True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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