Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
