so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
