he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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