Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
