went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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