All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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