Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
