yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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