oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
