I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
