..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize