One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
