Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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