if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
