1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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