I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
