I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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