you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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