I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
