Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
