and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
