those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
