i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
