I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
