is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
