Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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