i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
