I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
