margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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