sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
