U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
