I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
