That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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